The Long Goodbye
by GlitterQuake
Summary: Phil Coulson says goodbye, the long way round.


There was something in the air that day, it was sweet, blissful, the smell of summer flowers roamed throughout the air emphasizing the summer atmosphere even more. The sky itself was beautiful, it wasn't a simplistic blue but rather, a variety of colours pooling into the sky, embracing it. The cardinal reds melted into the azure blue and the lavender purples seemed to weave through them, the sky truly was a sight to behold, a glimmer of perfection. The clouds were absent allowing one to have a perfect view of the sky and allowing the sun to beat down on the people of the city to be fully embraced by the heat.

He walked down the road, tweed jacket that once hugged his figure now slung over his arm in order to make the heat more bearable. The top button of his white shirt had been undone, the tie around his neck now slung loosely around it rather than being tied in order for him to fully breath in the summer air. His shoulder bag hung loosely rather than tightly and swung as he walked, synchronized. The man paused for a moment, putting his hand through his hair and smiling as he stood outside a large house, the front lawn presenting a variety of children's toys. He glanced to the sky, looking at the colours, smiling at the perfection of the world he stood in.

The smile left his face for a moment, seeing a flicker within the sky, a singular glitch. For a moment, the colours across the sky seemed to blur, the world seemed to hesitate, and then all returned to normal. He left out a shaky sigh before glancing back at the house, the smile embracing his face once more.

The house was something he'd inherited from his parents, they'd given it to him when they passed and he'd never found much reason to reside within it. It was large, larger than he deserved, three bedrooms, an office, a play room, living area and two bathrooms and the largest garden he'd seen. There was a garage too, attached to the side of the house and residing within it was Lola, his cherry red car that he loved far too dearly.

Phil Coulson opened the door to the house, kicking his shoes off before entering the kitchen. The scent of spaghetti embraced his senses this time, erupting a sense of hunger within his stomach. He'd hardly noticed the absent of food that day. He smiled at the figure who was stood in the kitchen, back turned to him.

"You're late"

He seized the sound of her voice, the way it flowed through his ears, the way it had him hypnotized instantly. _Oh,_ he'd never bore of her voice.

"Sorry" he placed his things onto the kitchen table and walked over "I had to run detention"

Melinda May turned around and raised an eyebrow. She smiled as he suddenly embraced her, the two sharing a warm hug between one and another. His head rested in the cork of her neck, as hers rested within his chest, the two sharing a moment of peace and quiet, of luxury and tranquil.

"Ewwww"

Both himself and Melinda let out a chuckle, parting from the hug they shared to see the body of their seven-year-old daughter, whose hair seemed to be the definition of messy, and whose face held the biggest and cheekiest grin she could muster. She really did embrace her mother's looks, with the exception of which instead of the black hair Melinda offered, the girl had messy brown hair. Within her right hand she held a Captain America figure and with her left, a Bucky Barnes one. She sported a simple blue t-shirt with stars on, and a set of shorts.

"Hello to you too, Angel-eyes" he bent down to her height and opened his arms. Instantly the girl rushed into them, offering her dad a hug. He picked her up, resting her on his hips for a moment "How was school?"

"Lincoln asked to be my boyfriend again" the girl scrunched her nose up "But I told him that I'm not allowed to date until I'm 80, daddy"

He smirked "Good girl"

"Hey Skye, why don't you go get yourself washed up? It's nearly time for dinner"

"Okay mommy"

The girl scrambled out of her father's arms and shot off to wash herself up, causing Phil to turn to her and seize her once more. This time, their lips met, crushing against one and another's, sharing a heated moment of passion that send sparks throughout himself. It came to a stop too soon, Melinda pulling back with a smirk on her face.

"Get your crap off the table" she scolded "So we can have dinner"

He shook his head lightly "Yes ma'am"

He turned around, adrenaline pumping through him as he went to grab his things. Kissing Melinda would never get old and he'd never be used to it, every time their lips met, they met with passion, something fierce and dazzling, he felt his heart stop momentarily every time they kissed. He loved her, everything about her, and he loved every kiss and hug they shared, he'd never be bored of them.

He grabbed his shoulder bag, knocking his suit jacket onto the floor as he did so. Kneeling down to pick it up, his breath suddenly hitched in his throat as the jacket was no longer there.

"It's too soon" he whispered quietly, clenching his eyes shut for a moment. Perfection and paradise, that's where he was, that's where he'd stay no matter what.

"Phil?"

He jumped at the sudden touch on his shoulder, opening his eyes, he stood and turned around to see Melinda staring back at him with a peculiar and curious gaze. He shook his head, he was here, in his home, in his place and that wouldn't change, he wouldn't _let it change._

"Are you okay? You're looking a little pale"

"Me?" he murmured before speaking "I'm fine, it's been a long day. I thought I dropped something"

She looked at him uncertain, placing a hand to his head and pulling back "You're not sick. I'm watching you, Phillip"

He smiled "Yes ma'am"

He took the shoulder bag, holding it tightly to himself as he walked up the stairs, ignoring the fact that the shoes that had been neatly stacked by the door were now gone. He could hear Skye humming happily with the water running, knowing his daughter, she'd end up with more water on her clothes then her hands. He opened the office door, sliding inside and taking a look at his office. There was a desk, an office chair and laptop, and loitering about the room various bits of paperwork. He smiled to himself and shook his head, spotting a few colouring crayons on the floor from where Skye probably had sneaked in earlier that day. On his walls were drawings from Skye to keep things content and lively, to keep him distracted from work, to keep everything a little more perfect.

He smiled, putting the bag on his messy desk before walking over to a picture that Skye had drawn. It was him, holding her hand, Melinda on the other side of them, in front of the house with a dog besides them. The dog had been something he'd discussed, but they'd never actually gotten her one- he was yet to do that. He turned away, heading out of the office, just as the hand drawn pictures from Skye that hung on his wall frazzled out of existence.

He walked across to Skye's bedroom, where the little girl was sat fiddling with the Captain America figure on her bed. His daughters room was painted a light blue, and on the ceiling, were glow in the dark stickers. There was a small desk for her school things, a bed filled with cuddly toys and a small toy box, the larger one being in her playroom.

"Hey kiddo, you best hurry" he stated, Skye snapping to attention.

"You haven't washed your hands yet, daddy" Skye stated, clambering off the bed and hurrying over to him, taking his large hands into hers and checking them over "You need to wash your hands, daddy"

"Thank you for reminding me, Angel-eyes" he smiled warmly at his little girl "Don't tell your mother I forgot, eh?"

The girl let go of his hands and contemplated it for a moment, thinking delicately about the situation. She smiled and he gulped slightly, she had her mother's smile, a cunning one.

"Can I have ice cream for pudding?"

He sighed, that wasn't that bad. He could manage that one "Of course, kiddo. I'll see you all down there"

"Okay dad!" The girl rushed off down the stairs.

He smiled, the life he had _here_ really was a blissful perfection. He took one last look on the room, before turning his back and closing the door. As the door closed to a light click, the door completely disappeared, the room alongside it. He headed to his and Melinda's room this time, entering it and inhaling the woman's soft, minty scent that loitered within the room. The two shared a double bed at the centre of the room, each having their own nightstand dedicated to themselves. On his sat a simple pair of glasses and his phone, on Melinda's a book of ' _The Long Goodbye'_ by author Meghan O'Rourke. He lent over, picking the book up for a moment and flicking through it, reading the page it landed on.

 _"Relationships take up energy; letting go of them, psychiatrists theorize, entails mental work. When you lose someone you were close to, you have to reassess your picture of the world and your place in it. The more your identity was wrapped up with the deceased, the more difficult the loss."_

He immediately threw the book back, ignoring the words that echoed through his mind. He refused to read anymore, he refused to glance at the book. Melinda didn't like poetry that much anyway, why did she have that book? He shook his head, turning away from the book and glancing to the wall instead, the wall that offered him a picture of their wedding photo.

She looked stunning in her wedding dress, she always did in his mind no matter what she wore. It flowed with her nicely, and the two of them looked so young, so happy. He chuckled lightly when he saw Melinda's mum besides them, glaring lightly at Phil as Melinda's dad nudged her- they never really did get along, but there was always something comical about it. Andrew was there too, his mum as well- she passed shortly after wedding date but he didn't mind as much, she'd been there to see him become happy. To the side of that picture was an ultrasound scan, one in a silver frame etched with flowers around it. That was Skye, nine weeks old within Melinda's stomach, he still couldn't get the feeling of being a dad out of his stomach. There was nothing better than being a husband, a dad, having a family.

He led himself out of the room, the photos behind him disappearing within a single flicker. He headed to the bathroom, washing his hands hurriedly before heading down stairs, three plates set at the table as he arrived.

"Hey, did you see Skye on your way down?"

He frowned "She- She went down before me"

"I heard her on the stairs, but it went quiet"

He fell still, a sickening feeling filling his stomach instantly at those words. _No._ He refused to let it all be over, he refused to give in. She couldn't have been gone, she couldn't have-

"Phil" Melinda's alarmed voice suddenly called out, and he hurried into the living area where she stood. The photos that had once crowded the room were gone, the toys that made the floor a walking mine field had disappeared. In fact, the only thing that remained in within the living area was the sofa, the plain, beige sofa "What's happening- Phil" she span around to face him "Where's Skye? Where's our daughter?"

He felt a lump within his throat form, his knees suddenly weakening. He fell onto the sofa, and glanced to Melinda, who rushed over to him.

"Phil-"

"I'm sorry Melinda" he whispered, feeling the tears suddenly finding their way "I tried protecting you both, I tried so hard" he swallowed the lump in his throat, "I just wanted a few more moments, a few more minutes with you both"

"Phil, I don't understand-"

"I'm so, so _sorry"_ he grasped her hand and she was pulled onto the sofa next to him "I'm sorry we didn't have more time together, that I didn't have a chance to tell you I love you. And Daisy- Skye" he corrected himself, so that she'd understand " _Oh_ God Melinda" he glanced into her eyes, his hazel ones filled with tears " _I don't want to go"_

"Phil" Melinda's voice came through soft "What's happening? Why are you saying all this? Phil Coulson, I-"

He clenched his fists, begging for the words to be said, but they never did arrive. She was gone, no longer was she holding his hand, and no longer was she there, besides him, supporting him. Everything he'd dreamed of, the paradise world he'd begged for and had always wanted, stripped away from him. They'd been stripped away from him.

 _"You have to get her out-!"_

 _He thrashed against a set of arms holding him back, they seemed to belong to Mack but he couldn't care at the moment. The building before them was crumbling, falling apart outside in, and he was stood there, watching something that seemed so chaotically beautiful destroy his life. He felt sick, the overwhelming feeling of helplessness settling within the pit of his stomach, he couldn't do nothing. The years spent as Director of SHIELD, telling people what to do, reaching out to them, meant nothing if he couldn't stop her from dying._

 _"Phil-" he clenched his eyes shut, listening as her soft voice echoed within his mind from the coms still active "Phil-" her voice came out choked, he begged in his mind that she wasn't suffering "Phil, t-talk to me"_

 _"Melinda, hey" he spoke, his voice holding back a choked sob. Mack still held him tightly within his grip, but Melinda was on the coms, talking to him "Hey, you have to get out, Mel"_

 _"I-Is Daisy out? I-Is she okay?"_

 _Daisy had made it out, bones shattered, unconscious. Jemma had slipped the woman into a medically induced coma straight away, he didn't know whether she was okay or not, none of them did._

 _"Yeah, she made it Mel. She's fine" he swallowed the lump in his throat once more at the lie he told, it was for the best "You've got to get out now, Melinda"_

 _He heard a struggled breath draw from her "You-You know I can't-"_

 _"You_ _have_ _to Melinda!" he was shouting at her, he was shouting into the coms, he didn't care "I kissed the LMD you, Melinda, I kissed her but she wasn't you and now it's too late. Melinda- Please" his voice cracked at the final word, begging. He'd do anything to trade her place, for her to be safe "I love you"_

 _"Phil Coulson, I-"_

 _Static noise filled his ear as the coms were cut off, he watched with wide, tear filled eyes in horror as the building collapsed horrifically before him into nothing more than mere pieces of rubble. Mack let him go and he fell to the ground, cradling his head in his hands as choked sobs escaped. She couldn't be gone, he refused to let her go._

 _"Melinda, please" the words were broken, choked and forced. He was begging, he didn't know who to. He'd seen gods, he'd met them, and if there was anyone out there that cared right now then they'd bring her back._

 _But the rubble stayed unmoving, broken, still, like the body he'd later find._

 _She looked at peace, when he looked at her body when they let him see it. The pain in her eyes from Bahrain, from all the suffering she'd been through was gone and he found himself staring into a set of lifeless eyes. He sat there, he cried, cradling the body of his counterpart; best friend, partner, love._

 _"_ _Come on Mel" his whispered, resting his head against the cold, lifeless one he was holding "Give me something"_

He woke with a sharp gasp, looking around and finding himself within the familiarity of the SHIELD base they'd rebuilt. Fitz nodded to him with a kind regard, a solemn look on his face as he passed him. Then Fitz left, the room was empty, quiet, blissful. He was left to his own thoughts and he hated that, the thoughts that begged for Melinda, the thoughts that blamed him for her death, the thoughts that constantly circulated his mind.

He didn't even know how long he was in there, the paradise, he didn't even know if Daisy was alive. She had to be a alive, _she had to be._ He couldn't handle anymore loss.

 _"You're a dork, you know that, right?"_

He smiled at the faint echo of the words, the words belonging to Melinda, words she'd said so many times and words _he'd never hear again._

 _"You mean a lot to me, a lot"_

Oh, she meant everything to him. It was stupid, how so much love could make a man foolish, could break a man's heart instantly. How it could drive a man insane day in and day out, how it'd drive him insane. _If only she'd finished the words._

 _"Her name is Melinda May and she means everything to me"_

What was he meant to do? How was he meant to move on from this? He'd died and he'd seen her, he came back and he'd longed for her, he'd seen her with Andrew and he was happy for her but now, it was different. He'd finally had his chance, he had a chance to tell her that he loved her and he did. She never finished the words.

What came after 'Phil Coulson?'

 _"No one will understand and it hurts like hell"_

Why couldn't she finish the words?

"Sir?" the timid voice of Jemma Simmons called out, and he snapped his attention to her.

"Jemma" when he spoke, his voice was hoarse, it probably would be for a long time yet. He wasn't done crying, he was sure he never would be.

"You were in there for three days, I'm sorry we couldn't keep it going longer" Jemma spoke softly "We tried"

 _They didn't try hard enough._

"Daisy-"

"Is off life support" Jemma supplied him, and he held his breath, silently begging that she was alive. She had to be alive, he couldn't lose anyone else "She's been asking for you"

 _"What had happened still seemed implausible. A person was present your entire life, and then one day she disappeared and never came back. It resisted belief."_

 _"You can't undo what's been done, that will be with you forever. But trying hold to this life, clinging to the person you thought could be, that's hell"_


End file.
